All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
