we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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