its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
