Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
