My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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