i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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