I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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