I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So much rum. So many feels.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
