She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
