i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
