Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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