nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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