theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
we're so committed to being not committed
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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