week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Boobs speak an international language.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
