Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
