it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
