my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
