I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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