did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
