So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
