I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We just shotgunned beers for America
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
