this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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