I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
