So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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