apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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