Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
