Betty ford says i'm here all night
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
