I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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