If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
