Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
