i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
