ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
