Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
a search helicopter?!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
