Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
