Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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