Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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