Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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