im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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