please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I wear drunk well.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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