Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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