He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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