I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize