He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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