Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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