I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
it glows. i had to have it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
