from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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