Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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