He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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