We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
