I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
