trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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