I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
