I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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