The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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