If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
