I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
