remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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