I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
