So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
