that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
