Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
