to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
