This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
