Rock
Scissors
Fuck
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
