I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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