I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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