i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
