I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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