My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
