Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i love accidental penises.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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